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How to Live a Soft Life While Working

Hello Friends and welcome back to the blog!


If you're not already signed up for my newsletter, which you can do here, then you won't know that I recently started working again!


I work for a non-profit managing digital and social media and I absolutely love my new job. Not only am I so passionate about the mission of this non-profit, but I've met so many wonderful people and even made a few new friends!


I still wholeheartedly believe in rest as resistance, especially for Black women. But, if I'm honest, I was getting a little bored being at home alone all day. Making YouTube videos that weren't performing very well, not being able to spend time with my friends because they were all working or spending time with their coworkers. Relying only on my spouse for company or entertainment.


The truth is, the life of a stay at home wife can be quite lonely. And since we don't have kids at this time, I figured I may as well try to do something that is good for the world, while also making some income of my own. And I'm so glad I did!


But that doesn't mean it's been an easy transition.


Going from having my at home routine, being able to run my errands whenever I wanted, taking my time to clean and having dinner ready for when my husband got home from work, to now being on a work schedule of my own, has been...interesting.


Living the soft life that I had before has become more difficult, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to achieve.


I've found ways to be successful in my new position, and find ways to insert pockets of peace and slowness into my daily life.


The reality is, most of you reading this have a job.


We can fantasize and plan and daydream about being homemakers, but according to statistics, *approximately 41 million households were dual-income in 2019. That's just how our world is set up today.


Our society isn't exactly prioritizing women having the choice to stay at home anymore. Combine that with the fact that incomes haven't kept up with the cost of living, and you've got yourself a necessity for both people in the house to be working full time.


This might work for many men, who enjoy working and thrive outside of the home. But for women, many of us still have the desire to live more slowly in our day to day life.


I've only been working for a few months now, but I've started implementing a few habits that have helped me still feel like I'm in my homemaker bag, while also getting the real bag at work.

 

First, try to find a remote or hybrid remote position.

When searching for a job, I knew I wanted to be either fully remote or hybrid-remote. Thankfully, I was able to secure a position that only requires me to go into the office 2 times per week. This is a wonderful arrangement, because on the days that I work from home, I can still do the things I did when I was a full time YouTuber/Homemaker, and get my work done.


My first meetings of the day usually don't start until around 10. Which means I can get started on baking a loaf of bread in the morning, make myself a nutritious breakfast or smoothie, and ease into my day.


It also means I can create a certain ambiance for my home, to make it more cozy as I ease into turning on my laptop. I light candles first thing in the morning, turn on the heat, and will even put on light music or a calming YouTube video in the background while I prepare for the day.


This helps me feel like I'm taking control of my morning, and not like I'm rushing to get out of bed, rushing to eat something quickly, and rushing into my first meeting.


I set the tone for my day, and I decide how I want to spend those mornings.


Find something uplifting to listen to on your drive in.

On the days that I have to drive in to work, I try to keep the vibes chill, calm and soft. I'll put on some light Indie music, or listen to a podcast.


One of my absolute favorite podcasts is called The Moth. It's a storytelling podcast where people get up on stage in different locations across the country, and tell a story that's related to the theme of the episode.


It's so fun and enchanting to listen to all of these different stories of people's experiences from around the world. Stories of love, of loss, of triumph. It helps me feel connected to the world, and often gives me a laugh or brings me to tears.


Back in high school, my friends and I loved listening to rap music in the morning to get us going as we drove into the parking lot of our school. Now, that would probably stress me out to hear first thing in the morning!


Artists like Maggie Rogers, Del Water Gap and Tame Impala get me through the morning. And I save the rap and pop music for when I'm celebrating on my drive home.


Continue with your hobbies

It might be a little harder to do your hobbies while you're working full time. But it's so important to still do them. Whether it's cooking, baking, reading - whatever it is, you can't let work steal your free time.


I've noticed that in my free time, I just want to turn my brain off and mindlessly scroll through social media. But all that does is make me feel like I've wasted the free time that I do have.


Make a valiant effort to continue doing the things you love to do, and make time to schedule it into your life.


I recently got back into cooking and baking which are two things that bring me immense joy. Before the wedding, my husband and I were eating out constantly because we were both too tired to cook after work and planning and preparing for the big day. But now that the wedding is over, I've slowly eased my way back into the kitchen and it feels so good! I promise there's nothing out there that you can't make at home, and probably make better.


If you have to budget for using Instacart to get your groceries delivered to save on time, then that's what you have to do! Sometimes we have to find ways to make the things we want to happen, happen.


Spend your weekends wisely

When working full time during the week, it's so important to spend your weekends wisely. Use this time to reflect, meditate, nourish yourself with good food and good friends.


It can be easy to want to lay around in bed all day, but really use these days to pour into yourself as much as possible. For example, I'm writing this blog post on a Saturday morning. And once I'm done, I'll head into the kitchen to make pancakes, and then go to my nail appointment!


My husband and I also love having dates on the weekend. Tonight, we'll go have dinner at our friends' house (I'm bringing dessert), and later on this weekend, we'll go see The Little Mermaid. We cherish these days of freedom together, and we know that we're working towards having even more days of freedom together in the future.


Take your weekend to really enjoy it. Clean your space, see your friends, and cherish the moments of free time.


Set your boundaries at work

Bosses often assume you're at their disposal 24/7. They'll message you after work hours or before work hours, expecting you to respond and address their query or concern. If you fall into answering them or responding to them outside of your work hours, they'll always expect you to.


Know what your hours are, know how much you get paid per hour, and set your boundaries so as to not work outside of those hours without compensation.


You don't win a medal for staying late at work, or staying up until 10pm to finish a project. This isn't university.


Sure, you might get a raise, or accolades, but likely, all you'll get is new bags under your eyes and grey hairs.


Clock out mentally when you clock out physically, and set your boundaries and expectations with your coworkers, so they know how and when to approach you.


Don't be afraid to say no

This could be at work, or in your social life. Often, we're afraid to say no to things because we don't want to get fired, we don't want to be seen as a bad employee, or we're afraid of missing out on something. In order to protect your peace and prioritize what you can comfortably achieve, don't be afraid to say no every once in awhile.


If there's something you're being asked to do that is outside of the scope of your job description, you can express that in a professional way. If there's something that's out of your wheelhouse and you simply don't know how to do it, you can express that in a professional way.


You will be more respected for being honest with yourself, your time and everyone around you, than you would be for taking on too many projects, getting overwhelmed and not being able to finish them on time.


Still look your best

Let's just call a spade a spade; working full time is exhausting. It's tiring. Especially for women as we go through so many different hormonal changes on any given day. However, I still think it's important to look your best.


If you recall, from my video a few years ago on looking your best. I said, "You don't have to look runway ready every day, but do the best you can with what you have at that moment." And I stand by this. It's not about looking like the cast of The Devil Wears Prada, but it's about presenting yourself in the best way possible.


Taking the time in the morning to do your hair and makeup and put together a cute outfit sets the stage for your day and allows you to take some much needed time for yourself before starting your workday.


 

Well friends that is it for this post! Comment below how you try to live a soft life while working and the habits you've implemented. It's not easy, but we can do it!


xo,

F.



*https://blog.gitnux.com/two-income-families-statistics/#:~:text=The%20number%20of%20dual%2Dincome,approximately%2041.0%20million%20in%202019.

4 comentarios


Thanks for this post, I'm starting a new job soon and I'll miss the free time I've had these past couple months in this in-between period, but I'm trying to be positive.

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A Ford
A Ford
03 jul 2023

This was so relateable and helpfu! I was a working mom/wife then a SAHM and now a working mom and wife. TBH I do not desire SAHM life. I love the work I do and the balance it brings to make me feel whole again, like I am more than a mom and wife. Keep up the amazing content ! 🥰

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Caroline Nyiva
Caroline Nyiva
21 jun 2023

I'm loving "the my husband and i"😍happy for you gal. Enjoyed reading the blog post.

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LeAnne Wheeler
LeAnne Wheeler
05 jun 2023

It's been almost a decade since I've worked. I'm a stay-at-home wife/mom. I don't miss working at all. SAHM life is definitely challenging but I'd take soccer practice and dentist appointments over going to the office or logging into a meeting any day.


I'm glad your finding a balance that works for you.


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Just a California girl who believes in a good cup of tea, a fresh bouquet of peonies, page turning novels & romanticizing everyday life.

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