Wow. Hello old friends.
How long has it been since I've written a blog post? I don't even want to know, to be honest.
It pains me to know that life has sped up so much, that I barely have time for the one hobby I love the most: writing.
Yes, I enjoy making videos. But I've kept a journal since I was five years old. Writing is my heart's speech and song, and I'm glad I'm able to sit down, and write this for you tonight. (Albeit at 12:50AM).
I've decided that it's time for some radical honesty. Both with you, and with myself.
A few months ago, I cited a fake Facebook profile as the reason why I was going to be slowing down with growing an online presence. And while that is true, there is so much more that contributed to my desire to take a step back from all that I had created.
The truth? I was scared.
Yes, it is incredibly creepy to know someone took a picture of me from the internet and began using it as their own like a real life episode of "Catfish". But what scared me more, was the fact that I had somehow become notable enough for that to happen in the first place. (Yes I know you don't have to be "notable" for this to happen, but this was how I initially viewed the whole situation.)
All of a sudden, I regretted so much of what I put online. I was suddenly thrown into this awareness, that my face was everywhere on the internet when you typed in "Feminine Fancy." There were chat forums discussing my Instagram posts, my personality, my behaviors. There were images that had been saved from my Instagram onto someone else's Pinterest. There were photos of myself and my partner from when we first started dating that I had posted back when my account had 22 followers that I now couldn't get off of the internet.
I wanted to erase so much of my existence on the internet. But I couldn't. It was too late.