Updated: Aug 22, 2020
We were sitting in the kitchen, eating pie in the morning after I'd spent the night, when I looked over at him and said, "Soooo...what are we doing here?" He looked at me, nervous, knowing exactly what I was talking about and said, "You know, we're just taking it day by day."
I knew he didn't mean it. I knew our "Netflix and Chill" relationship would be coming to an end soon thereafter. And it did.
And when it did end, I was filled with so many questions.
How come no one told me that Netflix and Chill didn't help you get the guy you wanted? How come none of my friends who casually hooked up with guys told me that it didn't work? They made it look like fun.
Why wasn't this fun?
There's so much that I have learned since those early 20s. I can't begin to tell you how lost I was, and how much I was searching for validation from everyone, and in particular, from guys.
As I started exiting that really painful period, I began to realize that there was so much more that women didn't talk about. SO many things were painted with a beautiful brush, but were actually just straight up lies.
LIES I TELL YOU.
Lie number 1: Casual hookups are freeing.
Lie number 2: If you don't have your entire life together by the time you're 23; married with kids and in a full on career, you're behind.
Lie number 3: Romantic relationships will be the source of your happiness.
Lie number 4: You can spend your 20s partying and not thinking about the future because you have "time." So you should just consider your 20s a wash.
Wrong, wrong wrong.
As my eyes began to open to the lies I was being fed through mainstream media, I decided to make a change. A change that has been ongoing since 2016.
I started to be the voice of reason to my friends who would come to me with their relationship problems. I started researching some of the claims that were made about things like intimacy, birth control, and the truth about being a young woman.
I threw myself into the Bible reading different chapters every night and taking in every book and podcast I could by prominent Catholic and Christian women.
I needed to know the truth.
In those days of incredible soul searching, and everyday internet searching, I began to feel really confident in my identity as a woman. And not the identity that Hollywood placed on me.
So much so, that when that same guy decided to shoot me a text 2 years later, I didn't even respond.
Being a woman is a complicated and beautiful journey.
I don't know why I felt so compelled to write about this, or make my video about this. It wasn't on my posting schedule at all. But my spirit felt strongly about this in the last few days, so I hope this blesses some young woman out there reading it, who feels a little lost too.
Here are some pieces of advice I can offer you, that no one really told me.
1: You don't need to have it all figured out by the age of 25.
While it's important to know where you're going, what you want, what your goals are, and how you hope to achieve them, don't expect that it will all magically fall into place in your early or mid-20s. If your Instagram page is anything like mine, you see engagement announcements pretty much every day. What you probably didn't know, is that the Instagram algorithm pushes posts with comments like "Congratulations!" to the top of your feed, so it's the first thing you see. So yes, it feels like everyone and their mother is getting engaged and buying a house, but I promise you, not everything is as it seems. Your 20s are so vital. It's the time where you're still learning about yourself, you're growing, you're challenging yourself and your beliefs, you're working towards something. If you haven't reached that "something" yet, please do not fret. You will get there. Everything in its own timing. Just keep working. stay focused on what you want, and you'll get there when the time is right.
2: Casual intimacy can be soul crushing.
And I don't say that lightly. That situation I talked about at the beginning of this post, crushed me. After it was over, after I'd been physical with this guy that I adored, all in the hopes that it would lead to the "girlfriend" title, I was crushed. I felt humiliated and used. He brought me over to his house, I met his family, I was doing everything a girlfriend was supposed to do, and yet he still introduced me to people as his "friend". I didn't realize at the time that every time we kissed, a little piece of my heart was breaking. Because deep down, I already knew what I didn't want to admit.
Of course, I know this isn't the case for everyone. But I want to encourage you to really think about it, the next time you're accepting anything less than someone who truly respects and adores you.
3: Your "glow up" will probably happen after college.
If you're anything like me, and you weren't the "popular girl" in school, you will probably end up being the girl who really comes into her own as a young adult. There's so much pressure in high school and even college, to be "the it girl". And I didn't even begin my metamorphosis into a butterfly until after I graduated college, which honestly, wasn't that long ago. Your time will come. If you're in high school right now, or in college, and you feel ignored, brushed off or invisible. Don't worry about it, sweet girl. Your time to shine will come.
As I mentioned, being a woman is a beautiful journey filled with ups and downs and many, MANY life lessons. Hopefully, this post, and my video on this subject will help you navigate the world of being a woman a little bit better. If only for a little while.
Today's video has TEN tips I wish I would've known, in addition to these. Check it out and let me know what you think!
Love you all so much <3