"No New Friends" is not Always a Good Thing

Confession time: I've spent most of my adult life relying on the friendships I've had since I was in elementary school to fill the role of "friend" in my life. Without acknowledging that one day, I could very well not have anything in common with those people anymore.

One day, we could pass each other on the street, give a casual hello, and no one would know or see the years of history we have together.

For me, it's been a bit of a security blanket. I can be shy around new people, so counting on the women in my life who have been there for awhile, was a great way to ensure that I didn't have to feel uncomfortable. I didn't have to step outside of my bubble. I could have the same people in my life that I've always had, and that was good enough.

But after two of the hardest years of my life came and went with only one of my good friends checking in on me, I realized that maybe these friendships weren't what I thought they were. Maybe I was elevating them in my mind to something that either didn't exist or was long gone.

On a roadtrip with C to our favorite place, Big Sur, in 2022, I began crying so hard I was dry heaving - thinking about the time I had driven down that same coast with a "best friend" who had later cast me aside to make room for her better friends.

Coming to the realization that some of my friends weren't who I thought they were, was painful. And accepting that no matter how old you are, your best friend can always have a better friend, was something I was viciously reminded of.

Later that year, I decided to make a concerted effort to make new friends.

I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, and it occurred to me that I could do something about it.

I'm still on this journey of meeting new friends, and cultivating relationships as an adult. Which, if I'm honest, can feel weird at times. But I'm SO thankful that I wiped my tears, and decided to change something in my life, that I badly wanted changed.

Here are some of the things I did, to meet new people and step outside of my comfort zone.

Joined a Women's Club

The first thing I looked into when starting my journey of finding new friends, was joining a women's club. I started with Junior League, an organization for women based around service and other activities. But after a few events, I realized they weren't my people. My search continued, and I found a club for women that I had never even heard of before! It's a fitness and social members only club, where women can go in the pool, the sauna or steam room, workout, and then head to brunch at the restaurant. There's also a hair and nail salon, massage room, and so much more! When I first joined, I couldn't believe something like that was right under my nose.

Through this club, I've met so many ambitious and wonderful women who are also looking for community. The club hosts events that you can attend to get to know the other members, and it has been so fun to be a part of.

Made Plans With People I Don't Know

It was at the Junior League Orientation where I met a young woman who on the surface, I have little in common with. She's newly graduated from college, younger than me, and works in a field I know nothing about. But we immediately connected, and made plans to hang out. Soon, the casual texts turned into phone calls, and I realized...I had made a new friend.

Making plans with someone when you're not exactly sure what you'll be talking about, is scary. But as we spent more time together, it occurred to me that it didn't really matter. Love, work, life, relationships - we're all going through similar things, so we can find something to connect on.

Started a New Job

Okay, this might sound silly..but a big reason I started my new job, was to meet people and make new friends. Being a stay at home wife (fiance at the time), had started to get lonely. And I realized that all of my friends have full time jobs. I started to notice that they were spending a lot of time with their coworkers. Going out to brunches and dinners, going to concerts on the weekends. Eventually, their coworkers became their friends.

Within the first few weeks at the job, I had already connected with two incredibly fun and fiesty women! Who I text with now on a regular basis. It's been so fun experiencing those first days of new friendship, sending memes back and forth, and getting to know each other.

Connecting With Online Friends

While I understand this is certainly not the same as having friends IRL, it's actually been really helpful to have some friends that I've met online through the FF community. Women that I would not have met or connected with otherwise. We can chat about life, shared experiences, content creation, etc.

I have one friend who lives in Japan! And we often send messages back and forth checking in on each other. It's a wonderful feeling to know that people who have never even met you in person, care for you in such an intentional way.

Signed Up for Classes

I've mentioned more than once now, the pottery class I took last year and the painting class I took with my sister in law. And while no long lasting friendships came out of those classes, it was still nice to connect with new people.

This Fall, I plan to take some baking or horticulture classes at the local Community College and I'm excited to, once again, meet people with similar interests. I'm sure I will feel quite old being around a bunch of 19-20 year olds, but I really don't care! There's a class through the culinary college called "Candies & Chocolates" and I'm like...yes please! Sign me up!

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In life, you have to make space for and create the life that you want. If you're tired of seeing your friends hanging out without you, go find some new friends! Ones who will treat you with respect, and will spend intentional time with you.

It can be scary to meet new people as adults, but at what point do we stop letting fear dictate the rest of our lives? As Brene Brown says, We can do hard things. We can start the new friendship with someone who we just met. We can take the new class without knowing anyone else in it. We can go to the party or social gathering without knowing anyone else there!

Don't let fear stop you from living the life you want. And don't rely on people who don't put time into your friendship.

Stay blessed.

For more videos on female friendship, head to my YouTube channel to watch the series. You can also subscribe to my Patreon for more content.

xo,

F.